Each of us co-creates our life experience and sometimes a pattern that exists within ourselves and another is triggered and explodes within each of us. Any pain or hurt that sits within this pattern is expressed at each other through jealousy, anger, spite, blame – a myriad of ways. If neither is willing to take responsibility for what spews from them any peace that visits is usually only momentary. And the peace perhaps only visits because one is fearful of it continuing in the state that it is or because one softens enough for their anger to subside and for them to feel responsible for rescuing the other that sits in a more wounded state. They become a doormat and collapse into surrogating the emotional sufferings or manipulations of the other, with the belief that their self-sacrifice is about their compassion for the other. And this pattern plays out over and over again.
I have fallen into a triggered state with another and it felt relentless. Often it felt as though it didn’t matter how much how much work I did on myself, how much I grew or how much my perception changed, it was never enough to bring the situation to an end.I had grown enough to not respond in kind. I had grown enough to understand that I had been surrogating the situation rather than having the compassion to understand that they were co-creating the situation and that I didn’t have to be a doormat to their manipulations or their projections of anger and blame. But each attack upon me still stopped me in my tracks and their words would cut me to the core, instilling a fear in me that would see me give away my power time and time again.
And with this understanding I knew that the attacks were still cutting me to the core because what was being said was talking to the parts that I had yet to heal.
Until one day I received another scathing attack that felt as though it cut through to my heart. I cried with helplessness as I read and re-read their words and each time I felt slashed to pieces as I berated myself with the belief that there was any truth in them. But something had shifted enough in me that I was not going to fall victim to the attack this time. The helpless energy quickly transformed to determination and stoked a fire in my belly and I literally screamed “NO MORE!!! ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!!! Please show me another way. I am stripped bare and I feel like I can no longer carry this.”
I knew that what I saw in them, their attack, was something that I saw in myself. So I decided to go back to the very beginning of our relationship with a feeling that I must have been missing something that could shed some light on the dynamic between us. A sense of quiet came across me and I began to explore the alarm bells that presented at the beginning of the relationship and ones that had continued to present throughout which seemed to trigger the pattern in each of us. As I really felt into them strong emotions began flooding though me as I discovered the lessons within the findings. What I found was that I needed to have trusted my instincts more, to have trusted my capabilities as a woman and as a mother and known that I could be on my own. I learned that I needed to have spoken up and said no, known my worth and that I were capable of being loved and protected. With this awakening I knew that although I had proved I could be on my own and that my instincts were now something I strongly relied on, I still didn’t trust in my capabilities as a woman and as a mother and I still struggled to know my worth and trust fully that I was worthy of love and protection. And with this understanding I knew that the attacks were still cutting me to the core because what was being said was talking to the parts that I had yet to heal. So each word that attacked these unhealed parts provoked a reaction in me that crippled me with pain and hurt because I believed what they were saying as much as they did.
I set about taking responsibility and removing blame with the realisation that neither of us was at fault but rather it was as a result of the pattern that was triggered within both of us.
This revelation had me feeling the calmest, safest and the freest I had in such a long, long time. Fear had subsided and peace had settled back in. I set about taking responsibility and removing blame with the realisation that neither of us was at fault but rather it was as a result of the pattern that was triggered within both of us. I went about healing and clearing by saying sorry to myself for the way I had responded and judged myself and the other, by finding love and forgiveness and most of all gratitude for the awareness that I had been awakened to around the triggered pattern.
This awakening has freed me from the grip of the pain triggered by the pattern within both us and has returned peace and love to my heart with the knowing that I now have a greater capacity to keep clearing it until it is no longer evokes such a painful reaction in me. And with this new way of perceiving this and other situations that bring forward a triggered pattern within me, a sense of freedom and a new version of life has sprung into existence.
So take a deep breath and find the quiet within to explore the triggered patterns in your life. How do the actions and words of another speak to what is within you? What do you see in yourself that you see in another? What can you awaken in yourself through this exploration that will set you on a path to liberate yourself from the trigger?
From my heart to yours